How Motherhood Has Changed Me

Motherhood ain’t easy. Motherhood has changed me in ways I never fathomed possible.

I’ve been a mother for 4 years and it hasn’t been easy, but it has been the best.

When I first got pregnant with my oldest, husband and I had already been together for about 4 years. And actually, he was conceived on our first wedding anniversary! hehehe.

Being pregnant for the first time was definitely an experience. 

I was so sick the first half of my pregnancy, which made me miserable. Seriously, movies depicting pregnancy do not prepare you for the sickness and the pain. The pain they show in movies is at labor time. Labor time is a piece of cake (if you get the drugs lol). But during pregnancy, OH, the pain. Back pain, groin pain, leg pain, etc. My first pregnancy wasn’t as painful as my second. Aw man. During my second pregnancy, I wasn’t as sick, but I was in so much pain during the second half. Little man was just chillin’ in my pelvis so much that I had shooting pains up and down my legs every day in the last trimester.

Motherhood has changed me and the way I go about things. 

With my firstborn I was so vigilant the first year and a half, always hovering, trying to make sure he didn’t get hurt. I was always (trying) to document every step and milestone that my little accomplished. I just didn’t want to forget. I felt like I had to do all these things. I also had the help of my mom and sister almost every day, which I didn’t know at the time how glorious it was.

Then we moved cross country and I found out I was pregnant with my second.

I tried to document milestones, but I was so exhausted by the time my second was 9 months old that I just stopped. I was also a lot more lenient with my second when it came to safety. Not in a ‘don’t care’ kind of way, but more in that I knew some things I was afraid of with my firstborn were overreactions. Like when they first started crawling. My firstborn wasn’t allowed in the kitchen at all when he started crawling or walking. With my second, we let him lose all over the house. We baby-proofed everything and he was able to go on about exploring. He still tries to open the cabinets, but thank goodness for those babyproofing locks! And with this, I finally realized that kids get hurt and it’s part of life. It’s part of taking those first baby steps. It’s part of exploring. You can’t prevent them from getting hurt, that’s just not realistic. But you can definitely try.

I also gained a lot of patience. 

A LOT. Before having any kids I wasn’t the most patient or caring person. I don’t know if it was the hormone changes or those cute little faces, but I am more patient now than I ever was. And it has definitely been a hard adjustment without outside help.

I have also learned that there are soooo many things out of my control. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work. Work for which you have to be present 24/7. Whether you’re sick, exhausted, mentally and physically drained, it doesn’t matter, because you’re always there. 

And when you’re not, all you’re thinking about is about being there. 

While I’m out doing something without them, whether it be shopping or on a date with husband, I can’t help but think about all the things that could possibly go wrong. “What are they doing? Are they ok? Do they miss me? What if they’re looking for me? What if they get hurt and I’m not there? What if they want a snack?”  

Motherhood is a rollercoaster. It’s ridonculous.

One moment you’re at the very top, thinking it’s the happiest moment ever and then the next, you fall to the bottom and it’s either sad or frustrating. It can also be alienating and you don’t even notice. You notice when you start feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s hard to try doing anything because you have to think about how it might affect the kids and all that overthinking leads to just putting it off for maybe another day. Husband encourages me almost EVERY DAY to get out there and meet new people, but as an introvert I have zero desire to do so. Making new friends is hard, going out to find them is even harder. I have enough going on here, last thing I want to do is have to go out and pretend to be sane and that I have my s**t together just to appeal to other people. Sorry hunny, but no thanks. Sure I feel lonely sometimes, but not lonely enough to go out exploring new friend options. I know Husband means well, but I’m just not ready. There are also times when you might be having so much fun with the kids you forget about the things you have to do. We love doing playdates with our neighbors and it’s great because we’ve worned them down and they know what to expect so that leads to a lot more fun. lol (Shout out to Jes for being a MVP!)

Motherhood is hard and not for the faint of heart. Especially when you’re dealing with more than one.

Maybe not as dramatic as that, but they will make your gray hair spread faster at times and others they will smother you with love and get you up to cloud nine.

You also learn a lot.

You learn to say things differently in a way where you are heard best. You learn that at any given bad day, those little people will keep loving you at the end of the day no matter what. You learn that you have a stronger will than you initially thought you’d ever be able to achieve, sometimes. You learn that sometimes doing nothing is ok. You learn that a tiny person can break you, whether it’s you buying something you initially said no to or having them give you attitude (if you think terrible two’s are bad, just wait until they’re threenagers). You learn that as time passes, you grow with your children. You learn that you are definitely able to clean that stuff you never thought you’d touch. Haha. 

Being a mom is wild, ya’ll.

Motherhood has changed me. It has given me pain, patience, love, empathy, anxiety, exhaustion, bliss, sadness, frustration, happiness, knowledge, and bravery. All of this, so I get to have my little people and so I get to love them every day. 

How has motherhood changed you? Or if you are expecting, what are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments below!